If you've read the ‘About Me’ page of my website, you may already have a sense of my journey.
In this article I want to share with you what it's life to live with trauma. It’s not a textbook or clinical definition, but a glimpse into what it truly means to live with trauma, to heal from it, and to reclaim yourself in the process, from my personal perspective.
Having come through my own trauma journey, I understand firsthand how it can profoundly affect all aspects of your life - nothing is left untouched - it is the 'gift that keeps on giving', and not in a positive way, until it is addressed.
Trauma has a way of changing everything - your body, your mind, your health, your nervous system, your brain function, your relationships. It’s not a part of your life you can close and forget, or something you can just 'get over'" or that can be mastered solely with determination, perseverance and willpower.
Yes, you definitely need these characteristics in spades, including courage and resilience, but you also need something more—a large dose of compassion and patience for yourself as you walk this difficult path to healing, which is never linear but a spiral.
So, if you’ve been told by well-meaning people in your life, that it’s simply an issue of "mind over matter," I’m here to tell you that unfortunately it just doesn't work that way, as it’s much more complex than that.
Trauma doesn’t simply "go away" with time. If anything, if left unchecked, it can haunt us for years, manifesting as ‘dis-ease’ and/or PTSD. So processing trauma requires professional expertise, plus self-awareness and personal responsibility to do things differently.
Doing things differently, refers to not only the way you live your life, but more importantly how you relate to, think about, and treat yourself.
So What is Trauma?
Trauma is a raw emotional response to an experience/s that overwhelms the body's ability to cope. It might be a single, intense incident, or a series of stressful events that accumulate over time.
The younger we are when trauma occurs, and the longer it lasts, the deeper the impact on our body and psyche. This is why we differentiate between "little t" trauma (a singular, less overwhelming event), "big T" trauma (chronic or repeated trauma - eg childhood development trauma).
Whatever its form, trauma leaves an indelible mark on your psyche, affecting how you relate to yourself, the world and others.
When trauma happens, it creates an energy in the body that gets stored in the cells. This trauma cellular memory can be triggered weeks, months or even many years after the actual traumatic event. Something - a smell, place, person, sound etc - can trigger a release of the trauma cellular energy, unconsciously taking you right back to that moment, even years later. It’s this delayed response which makes trauma so devastating and complicated as you may feel that after all this time, you ‘should’ be over it all. When this cellular energy is activated, your body may unconsciously respond in one of four ways, known as the 4F responses:
Fight: You feel an intense urge to protect yourself, perhaps through anger or aggression
Flight: You may want to escape the situation, either physically or emotionally, distracting yourself through substances or compulsive behaviors
Freeze: Your body may go into shutdown mode, where you feel numb or disconnected from reality
Fawn: You may become a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict to maintain a sense of safety.
Although these unconscious 4F reactions are designed to protect us, as you can imagine, when we cycle through them, daily life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster with no grounding or sense of safety.
How Trauma Impacts Daily Life
So as you can now understand, living with trauma can sometimes make everyday life feel overwhelming as our nervous system is in a constant state of dysregulation. One minute, you’re anxious, the next you’re overwhelmed with sadness, then anger or panic. It’s exhausting—and it’s hard to feel grounded when your body and mind are in constant turmoil. Simple decisions can become monumental, and your responses to situations might seem disproportionate to others.
Over time, trauma may manifest in ways you might not even expect: anxiety, panic, depression, migraines, insomnia, chronic pain, digestive issues, autoimmune conditions, PTSD, even fatigue that never seems to lift, no matter how much you rest.
Behaviorally, you may become hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning your environment for danger, always anticipating problems, assessing other people's reactions and responses to you. You might try to control everything around you, unable to tolerate uncertainty. This makes relationships difficult and work life nearly impossible at times.
But it’s important to understand that these unconscious behaviors are coping mechanisms - ways your nervous system is trying to protect you. They are not who you are at your core.
Sometimes, the people around you, family, friends, co-workers, employers, just don’t understand. They may label you as ‘sensitive or intense’, not realising that these behaviors or reactions are a result of the unprocessed energy of trauma.
That’s when self-awareness becomes critical. It’s about recognising your triggers—knowing when your body is about to react to something and giving yourself the space to respond differently. It sounds easy, but this journey of self-awareness is a tough one.
For me, one of the most important life lessons on my journey to healing has been to accept that I can’t control what happens to me, only how I respond.
I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that healing begins with self-care. But not just the bubble baths and spa days kind of care. Real, deep care. It’s about nourishing myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s about learning to establish boundaries, honoring my needs, listening to my body, speaking my truth, trusting myself, determining and living by my values, developing self-respect, walking away, and saying ‘no’ to situations and people that disrupt my inner peace. This may mean that your 'friendship' circle is whittled down - but if these individuals aren't supporting you, are they worth continuing to have in your life? Sometimes tough decisions need to be made to ensure our own emotional wellbeing. For me, self-care has been about giving myself permission to make decisions based on what will best support my nervous system, and allowing myself the space to feel without judgment. All this has enabled me to respond to what happens in my life differently, as I have learnt to live within the greyness of life, the uncertainty.
Self-care is a skill that takes practice. Sometimes, the internal critical voice can shout "this is selfish, you should be putting others needs’ ahead". This is when it's crucial that you remember the instructions given during airplane flights - 'first put your own air mask'!
For me, self-care became, and still is, a lifeline. It gave me the strength to face my triggers, to confront the darkness that trauma had left in its wake, and to start rebuilding myself, piece by piece. It’s not an overnight transformation, but little by little, it makes a difference. And yes, there are still days when the old patterns resurface, when fear takes hold. But I now have the tools to navigate those moments, to reclaim my space and my peace.
Experiencing and living with trauma will change you, there’s no question about that. But, what I’ve come to realise is that trauma, while deeply painful, can also be the source of incredible strength. The fact that you are still here—despite all the pain you’ve endured, is proof of your resilience, as you know you've been through the 'wars', but are around to tell your story.
And tell your story you must, as not only it is truly healing to hear your own story, but it can assist others. But it’s always important to determine who has the capacity to hold safe space while you tell your story, and also hear your story with respect, as not everyone is able to do this.
As a society, I believe that we need to learn to talk openly about these potentially difficult topics - trauma, anxiety, depression, suicide etc, as it's only by being vulnerable, open and honest about our struggles, that we can normalise 'not being ok or not having everything sorted', and reduce the stigma and shame that still exists. Let’s talk openly, without shame, about the hard things. Let’s normalise the struggles, so we can heal and live more authentically. Let's make our societies, our workplaces etc, places where individuals feel safe enough to be who they are.
As you begin to explore your own healing journey, I encourage you to take it one step at a time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you that you should be "over it" by now. You are where you are, and that’s perfectly okay. Be proud of who you are, and where you are right now.
The work towards healing isn’t easy. It requires courage, patience, vulnerability, and an unwavering commitment and compassion for yourself. But when you begin to heal, you will reconnect with parts of yourself that you may have lost along the way, and you’ll see that trauma—while part of your story—does not have to be the whole story.
Rosanna Commisso - Founder, StressCare Solutions Living with extreme long-term stress has shaped my passion for helping others find their path to stress resilience through self-care. If you need support, I’m here to help you understand the impact of stress and provide guidance on how to improve your health and quality of life.
M: 0402 917 064